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The X-Files, The Lost Art Of Forehead Sweat

The old comedy group, The Firesign Theater, once released an album entitled, ″Everything You Know Is Wrong″. Well, on the latest episode of ″The X-Files″, entitled ″The Lost Art Of Forehead Sweat″, we learn that such may be the case!! FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, or ′Skulls′, meet a man, Mr. Reggie ′Something′, who thinks his memories have been altered. Episode 11-04 deals with the phenomenon known as ′The Mandela Effect′, or is it ′The Mengele Effect′? Where you think you know something but it turns out not to be true. Reggie proves what is happening by reminding Fox and Dana of things from their childhood, which turn out not to be the case, sort of.




For Fox Muldor, it is a lost episode of ″The Twilight Zone″ entitled ″The Lost Martian″. Fox recalls how the episode blew his mind back when he was just 8 years old and put him on his path of pursuing UFOs and aliens. He searches through a huge pile of VHS tapes looking for it, when Scully suggests that maybe it was an episode of ″The Outer Limits″. Fox retorts, ″Confuse The Twilight Zone with The Outer Limits? Do you even know me?!?!″


For Scully, Mr. Reggie ′Something′ produces a box of Goop-O A-B-C gelatin, her favorite childhood treat. She has searched for years for the product, but everyone keeps telling her that she is confusing it with Jello 1-2-3. Reggie tells them that his mind was altered while in Grenada at a secret government medical research lab. An alien who had survived a UFO crash off shore of the island was treated by Dr. Thaddeus Q. They, a researcher in mind control experiments. The alien tells Dr. They that another from his planet will arrive in 35 years to rescue him. But mysterious men in black suits arrive and haul the alien off.


Reggie later recalls how he was once a partner on The X-Files. Creator Chris Carter even provides us fans with an altered intro including Agent Reggie ′Something′. Reggie then shows Fox and Dana an on-line video about Dr. They, showing him behind many of the conspiracies we know so well. There is even a scene of him on top of the Washington Monument wearing a ″Make America Great Again″ cap as a crowd of 100 Million people listen to President Donald Trump make his inauguration speech on the Washington Mall.


Eventually, Fox meets up with Dr. They, who tells all. For starters, he made the video himself, posting it as ′phony fake news′. He designed the video to appear to be some fake news, a la Alex Jones or the folks behind the ″Zeitgeist″ videos. But, there is much truth sprinkled in it. Dr. They explains that it doesn′t matter. People are not interested in the truth. Fake news is more fun.


In the end, Scully learns the real identity of Reggie ′Something′, that he is a burnt-out, NSA eavesdropping monitor committed to a mental sanitarium. But before his ′ride′, an ambulance from the sanitarium, hauls Reggie away, Fox asks him about the last X-File case they worked together on. Turns out it was the three of them meeting the other alien who arrived 35 years after his fellow crashed near Grenada. The alien tells them that Earthlings are nothing but murders and rapists and that the galactic federation is building a ″big, beautiful, invisible wall″ around our solar system! We will be allowed to explore Uranus all we want, but no further! The alien then hands Mulder a book entitled, ″All The Answers″. Fox opens it and reads the truth about Bigfoot, which devastates him into a state of infantile crying. Scully later cheers him up making her last box of Goop-O A-B-C into a mold of Sasquatch footprint.


The moral of the story is two-fold. First, we give too much credit to our memories. A few hundred years ago, most people had very good memories. But the invention of the printing press led to us needing memories less. Today, with the Internet, we hardly need it at all. Before cell phones, I had memorized every important phone number to family, friends and work. These days, I have to look up my own phone number. Secondly, we do seem to prefer the fake to the real. Just look how popular the Kardashians are. Fake boobs, fake butts, fake lips, fake lives. They even drove a real man, Bruce Jenner, into becoming a fake woman! Indeed, it does seem these days that everything we know IS wrong!


For more REAL NEWS and views, follow Andrew Zarowny on Facebook and on Twitter @mrcapitalist.


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